you know when you know you need to do something? 

but its too  O    U    T       O   F       R    E    A    C    H   ?

and you can hear the thought in your head but you can't reach out and grab it?

hikeskool.

every morning at seven a.m. i go to a cage.
there we all sit and stand and watch and learn.
we get scolded for wrong, and hardly ever praised for good.
everyone's sweating or shivering.
the females prowl.
they're always trying to be the best, and definitely better than her.
and the males, they're always trying to be the toughest, and the biggest, and the "i don't care"est.
we're animals, not much more.

expontential.

i'm fumbling for words to say about words i want to say. 
i'm happy, but sad, and sad but happy.
my sister is getting married this week.
my world is being turned upside down,
and she's moving out of the house.
my best friend, is moving out of my house.
she is marrying a man, a wonderful man.
but i can't help my crying.
our childhood falls further away with each passing day.
the days of repeated sunshine and laughter.
dancing and making old home videos.
our bedroom, bunk-beds stacked, and unstacked.
our faces growing more similar every hour.
the places we went and the people we saw, together.
the dreams we dreamed.
the nights we cried together.
the things we laughed at together.
the songs we sang together. 
the heartbreak and love and heartbreak from love, together.
the days we spent together.
so much of our lives have been spent together.
and now much of it will be spent apart. 
it is so strange to me.
but we will both grow.
as we always do.
i love my dear sister, and am so happy for her.

-H.